Frustrated and Undecided

I have been so frustrated lately about adoption and foster care.  The whole process is emotionally and mentally draining, and at this point I'm not sure I want to continue with foster care.

The baby's adoption is still in the works because our certification packet has been on the Commissioner's desk for over three months.  Our adoption hearing has been set for April 30th, but the baby's caseworker has requested an expedited hearing.  That's great, but without a certification we can't do anything.  Can we get a move on already?  I have mentioned to the caseworker that the longer we have to wait, the more anxious I become.  She has assured me that everything is still moving forward, an we have her and the baby's attorney on our side.  Again, great but nothing is official until the judge signs the adoption documents.  I can't believe we have another four months of waiting.  Why?  Because that's our luck, I guess.

I am struggling with deciding whether or not to continue fostering because the last three months have been nothing short of aggravating, humiliating, and depressing.  We have renewed our foster license, after waiting two long months for an unsubstantiated closure letter.  In the course of our renewal, we have been licensed for only one foster child at a time, after we just had an amendment done in July for two.  The reason/excuse I got was OLCR (licensing) wanted to wait until Little Man had been out of our home for 90 days.  Really?  By the time our license was renewed the 90 days had already passed.  I'm thinking someone dropped the ball when filling out the renewal paperwork and is trying to cover their tracks. 

Honestly, the longer this goes on, and the longer I am punished for something I had no control over, the less likely I am to take on another child.  We have changed our age range from Newborn to 3-years-old, to Newborn to 12 months old.  I have been told repeatedly that because I am a stay-at-home-mom that I would most likely get the substance-exposed newborns, which I am fine with.  Been there, done that, made it through to the other side.  I just continue to go back and forth between shutting it down after the baby's adoption, or giving it another go.  Hopefully we will pick a direction to go soon.  Perhaps after the holidays we will pick a path and carry on.