Court went as well as I expected today. The good news is we are a little closer to becoming his "forever family". The bad news is that it's only a 50% chance- or less. The closer we come to severance and adoption the more likely family will start coming out of the woodwork, and we will no longer be a contender. I am slightly encouraged, but I am not holding my breath.
I don't understand how the state can come in and remove the child from the stable foster family they have come to know and love, and put them with "family". This could be family they never even met, but because they are related they are the first choice! If the family member wants the child so badly, then why aren't they there from the beginning? Why don't they have visitation with the child so they can start forming a bond? Why aren't they going to appointments and communicating with us to find out what he likes or dislikes, how he's doing, or atteending court appointments? It is completely ridiculous if you ask me. Do they think he is a puppy and are waiting for him to be "trained". Are they waiting for all of the hard work to be done? My guess would be yes.
I am annoyed and angry with his bio parents. They didn't even show up for court today, which is so unfortunate (fortunate??) for the baby. Another strike against them, but it really hurts my heart to know that they don't care at all for the baby they consiously brought into this world. I know he is too young to know the difference, but I can't help but be sad for him. I know that he doesn't belong with them, but my God, this is your flesh and blood. I just don't get it. I could never abandon my child like that, or turn the other cheek. I guess I will never understand those who can.
Aggravation seems to be the name of the game. I am not one to keep my opinion to myself, and I find it increasingly difficult to hold my tongue. I just want to lash out and shake them. I worry about his future and all I can do is hope and pray for the best. As I've said before, if we are not meant to be his family, fine. But I really hope someone is watching out for this baby. He deserves so much more than the hand he was dealt.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Monday, April 22, 2013
A Letter to the Bio Parents
Dear Bio Parents,
I don't even know where to begin. When we started this nearly three months ago, I thought maybe you could do it, just maybe. I know any addiction is a disease, but I had hope that you would turn it around. I even thought I saw remorse in your eyes. Apparently, I did not. I should have listened to my gut. My gut said, "Not gonna happen. They'll put on a show for a little while, and then they will disappear." I ignored my gut- shame on me.
Please tell me how you can look into your baby's big brown eyes and not even try for his sake? How can you not do right by this beautiful baby? How can you cancel visits, or not even show up at all? Why are we even going through the motions if you aren't even going to try? The last time I checked, babies were not just dropped off on your doorstep, so you knew what you were doing and you had time to change your behaviors. But if carrying a precious life didn't make you change, then why would bringing this little miracle into the world make a difference. Please don't tell me what a "miracle he is", or comment on his "rough start" again. You are the reason for the "rough start"- try taking responsibility for that. It would be a great first step. And please stop speaking to me like I am a friend doing you a favor, because I'm not.
You can tell me you are his mom all you want, and that may be true. But know this- I am his MOTHER. I feed, and change, and dress, and play with, and rock him to sleep every day. He looks into my eyes and smiles, because he only knows me as his mommy. I thought about this long and hard, and I came to realize you have the perfect situation. You have to buy one pack of diapers and a can of formula every three months. You don't get up in the middle of the night, and you don't have to deal with any medical issues or constant crying. You spend four to five blissful hours a week with him and then send him on his way.
If, by some miracle, he goes back to you, we may all die a little inside. What will happen to this precious baby when he is taken from the only home he knows? I pray that you make one important "parenting" decision for him, and that is to do what is best for him- whatever that may be. It may not mean he stays with us and we become his forever family, but as long as the outcome is the best for him, then so be it.
I want you to know that my heart aches and I cry for him. I cry because of the rough start he had. I cry because you don't make any effort. I cry because I love him so very much, and I don't want anything or anyone to hurt him. I am grateful he is so young, because he has no idea what is going on.
I also want you to know how much he is loved. Not a day goes by that he doesn't hear "I love you". He gets kisses and hugs, smiles and snuggles all day, every day. Our friends and family have embraced him and love him almost as much as we do.
I hope the end result is in his best interest. He will always hold a special place in my heart, and I will always love this beautiful miracle.
Sincerely,
The Foster Mom
I don't even know where to begin. When we started this nearly three months ago, I thought maybe you could do it, just maybe. I know any addiction is a disease, but I had hope that you would turn it around. I even thought I saw remorse in your eyes. Apparently, I did not. I should have listened to my gut. My gut said, "Not gonna happen. They'll put on a show for a little while, and then they will disappear." I ignored my gut- shame on me.
Please tell me how you can look into your baby's big brown eyes and not even try for his sake? How can you not do right by this beautiful baby? How can you cancel visits, or not even show up at all? Why are we even going through the motions if you aren't even going to try? The last time I checked, babies were not just dropped off on your doorstep, so you knew what you were doing and you had time to change your behaviors. But if carrying a precious life didn't make you change, then why would bringing this little miracle into the world make a difference. Please don't tell me what a "miracle he is", or comment on his "rough start" again. You are the reason for the "rough start"- try taking responsibility for that. It would be a great first step. And please stop speaking to me like I am a friend doing you a favor, because I'm not.
You can tell me you are his mom all you want, and that may be true. But know this- I am his MOTHER. I feed, and change, and dress, and play with, and rock him to sleep every day. He looks into my eyes and smiles, because he only knows me as his mommy. I thought about this long and hard, and I came to realize you have the perfect situation. You have to buy one pack of diapers and a can of formula every three months. You don't get up in the middle of the night, and you don't have to deal with any medical issues or constant crying. You spend four to five blissful hours a week with him and then send him on his way.
If, by some miracle, he goes back to you, we may all die a little inside. What will happen to this precious baby when he is taken from the only home he knows? I pray that you make one important "parenting" decision for him, and that is to do what is best for him- whatever that may be. It may not mean he stays with us and we become his forever family, but as long as the outcome is the best for him, then so be it.
I want you to know that my heart aches and I cry for him. I cry because of the rough start he had. I cry because you don't make any effort. I cry because I love him so very much, and I don't want anything or anyone to hurt him. I am grateful he is so young, because he has no idea what is going on.
I also want you to know how much he is loved. Not a day goes by that he doesn't hear "I love you". He gets kisses and hugs, smiles and snuggles all day, every day. Our friends and family have embraced him and love him almost as much as we do.
I hope the end result is in his best interest. He will always hold a special place in my heart, and I will always love this beautiful miracle.
Sincerely,
The Foster Mom
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