Today has been a very eventful day, to say the least. We now have a case number for our adoption certification, we received information from licensing to increase the number foster kids we can have to two, and we had court this afternoon to change the baby's case plan.
After a small delay due to scheduling conflicts (because the courts schedule three hearings for the same time...) and the tardiness of an attorney, the case plan has been changed to severance and adoption. So, YAY! We cleared the first hurdle and we couldn't be happier. We now have a severance hearing scheduled at the beginning of September, and we will see where it goes from there. We still have a 90% chance of becoming his forever family, and we are so excited! As I have said before, I truly believe he was meant to be ours.
Being a foster parent is so emotionally draining. I feel like I am on pins and needles most of the time, and the waiting drives me nuts. There are days when I wonder if I am doing the right thing, and wonder if I really am cut out for this. I go through some days just dreading what it would be like if CPS decided the baby should be somewhere else or with his bio family. I lose sleep over it, I cry over it, and it makes me sad some days. The closer we get to the severance and the adoption, I'm sure I will be a nervous and emotional wreck- just like I was today and have been for the last six months. But then I look at this miracle baby and I know that we are doing the right thing, we are cut out for this, and we are making a huge difference in this child's life. I know that we have given this baby a chance he may not have otherwise had. I read to him, I play with him, I talk to him, and I take care of every need he has. In our hearts, he is ours and he is right where he needs to be.
Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers. They are greatly appreciated! I cannot wait until this is all over and done so we can legally call him ours.
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Sunday, July 14, 2013
The Waiting Game
I never expected to do so much waiting. It is difficult to get clear answers to my many questions because each question can have multiple outcomes. The waiting is driving me crazy!
On the bright side, we have a 90% chance of being the baby's forever family and I am so excited! On the flip side, there is still a 10% chance that he won't be ours, so I am trying really hard to stay grounded. I don't think I can stand the heartache if they take him away. In our minds, and hearts, he is already ours. He belongs with us, and there is no doubt in my mind that this is my child.
A few weeks ago I received an email from his mom stating that she wanted to sign him over to us. She knew in her heart that she cannot take care of him and that she knew he was where he belongs, and she was going to contact her attorney to proceed. That was three weeks ago, and I have yet to hear anything. It looks like we will have to wait until court at the end of the month to find out what is going on. It is so frustrating and my nerves are shot. I really want to have him stay and be ours, but I can't fully let myself go there yet.
On the bright side, we have a 90% chance of being the baby's forever family and I am so excited! On the flip side, there is still a 10% chance that he won't be ours, so I am trying really hard to stay grounded. I don't think I can stand the heartache if they take him away. In our minds, and hearts, he is already ours. He belongs with us, and there is no doubt in my mind that this is my child.
A few weeks ago I received an email from his mom stating that she wanted to sign him over to us. She knew in her heart that she cannot take care of him and that she knew he was where he belongs, and she was going to contact her attorney to proceed. That was three weeks ago, and I have yet to hear anything. It looks like we will have to wait until court at the end of the month to find out what is going on. It is so frustrating and my nerves are shot. I really want to have him stay and be ours, but I can't fully let myself go there yet.
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
I Cannot Believe This Is Actually Happening!
So many things have happened since my last post but, due to confidentiality, I cannot write about them. It is frustrating to not be able to discuss with anyone what goes on, but that is the name of the game.
We did have another CFT today and, of course, the bio parents were a "no show". However, it did give me a chance to discuss things with his CPS caseworker, and I have to say I walked away a much happier foster mommy. I found out that the bio parents are not doing what they need to do, never mind missing more than half of their visits last month, and CPS is moving forward with severance and adoption. In my last post I vented about how bio family trumps foster foster, and that this would be the time for bio family to come out of the woodwork and we would have to say goodbye. Well, I found out today that that is not always the case and, more specifically, not our case!
Because no one has stepped forward to take the baby in, CPS is moving forward with US(!!!!) to adopt him. I cannot believe this is happening. It has been a roller coaster ride all day and I cannot process this at all. I have been trying to protect my heart for these last four months, so I have been reluctant to even truly consider adoption as an option, mainly because I was told that bio family is first on the list regardless. We still have to be realistic and not get carried away because nothing is final until the ink dries, but I can finally see his adoption on the horizon and we are so close! I cannot believe that this precious little boy could very soon be ours. We can actually be his "forever family".
I am a believer in "things happen for a reason", and I believe that we had been dragging our feet for a reason. There is a reason that the process took as long as it did. There is a reason that we were licensed when we were. There was a reason our first foster children were only with us for five or ten days. And there is a reason that this baby was placed with us, and I sincerely hope that reason is because he is meant to be our little boy.
So I ask for your prayers and positive thoughts. I will also keep my fingers and toes crossed, and keep you updated on what happens. Thank you!!
We did have another CFT today and, of course, the bio parents were a "no show". However, it did give me a chance to discuss things with his CPS caseworker, and I have to say I walked away a much happier foster mommy. I found out that the bio parents are not doing what they need to do, never mind missing more than half of their visits last month, and CPS is moving forward with severance and adoption. In my last post I vented about how bio family trumps foster foster, and that this would be the time for bio family to come out of the woodwork and we would have to say goodbye. Well, I found out today that that is not always the case and, more specifically, not our case!
Because no one has stepped forward to take the baby in, CPS is moving forward with US(!!!!) to adopt him. I cannot believe this is happening. It has been a roller coaster ride all day and I cannot process this at all. I have been trying to protect my heart for these last four months, so I have been reluctant to even truly consider adoption as an option, mainly because I was told that bio family is first on the list regardless. We still have to be realistic and not get carried away because nothing is final until the ink dries, but I can finally see his adoption on the horizon and we are so close! I cannot believe that this precious little boy could very soon be ours. We can actually be his "forever family".
I am a believer in "things happen for a reason", and I believe that we had been dragging our feet for a reason. There is a reason that the process took as long as it did. There is a reason that we were licensed when we were. There was a reason our first foster children were only with us for five or ten days. And there is a reason that this baby was placed with us, and I sincerely hope that reason is because he is meant to be our little boy.
So I ask for your prayers and positive thoughts. I will also keep my fingers and toes crossed, and keep you updated on what happens. Thank you!!
Thursday, April 25, 2013
A Little Hope, But Not Too Much
Court went as well as I expected today. The good news is we are a little closer to becoming his "forever family". The bad news is that it's only a 50% chance- or less. The closer we come to severance and adoption the more likely family will start coming out of the woodwork, and we will no longer be a contender. I am slightly encouraged, but I am not holding my breath.
I don't understand how the state can come in and remove the child from the stable foster family they have come to know and love, and put them with "family". This could be family they never even met, but because they are related they are the first choice! If the family member wants the child so badly, then why aren't they there from the beginning? Why don't they have visitation with the child so they can start forming a bond? Why aren't they going to appointments and communicating with us to find out what he likes or dislikes, how he's doing, or atteending court appointments? It is completely ridiculous if you ask me. Do they think he is a puppy and are waiting for him to be "trained". Are they waiting for all of the hard work to be done? My guess would be yes.
I am annoyed and angry with his bio parents. They didn't even show up for court today, which is so unfortunate (fortunate??) for the baby. Another strike against them, but it really hurts my heart to know that they don't care at all for the baby they consiously brought into this world. I know he is too young to know the difference, but I can't help but be sad for him. I know that he doesn't belong with them, but my God, this is your flesh and blood. I just don't get it. I could never abandon my child like that, or turn the other cheek. I guess I will never understand those who can.
Aggravation seems to be the name of the game. I am not one to keep my opinion to myself, and I find it increasingly difficult to hold my tongue. I just want to lash out and shake them. I worry about his future and all I can do is hope and pray for the best. As I've said before, if we are not meant to be his family, fine. But I really hope someone is watching out for this baby. He deserves so much more than the hand he was dealt.
I don't understand how the state can come in and remove the child from the stable foster family they have come to know and love, and put them with "family". This could be family they never even met, but because they are related they are the first choice! If the family member wants the child so badly, then why aren't they there from the beginning? Why don't they have visitation with the child so they can start forming a bond? Why aren't they going to appointments and communicating with us to find out what he likes or dislikes, how he's doing, or atteending court appointments? It is completely ridiculous if you ask me. Do they think he is a puppy and are waiting for him to be "trained". Are they waiting for all of the hard work to be done? My guess would be yes.
I am annoyed and angry with his bio parents. They didn't even show up for court today, which is so unfortunate (fortunate??) for the baby. Another strike against them, but it really hurts my heart to know that they don't care at all for the baby they consiously brought into this world. I know he is too young to know the difference, but I can't help but be sad for him. I know that he doesn't belong with them, but my God, this is your flesh and blood. I just don't get it. I could never abandon my child like that, or turn the other cheek. I guess I will never understand those who can.
Aggravation seems to be the name of the game. I am not one to keep my opinion to myself, and I find it increasingly difficult to hold my tongue. I just want to lash out and shake them. I worry about his future and all I can do is hope and pray for the best. As I've said before, if we are not meant to be his family, fine. But I really hope someone is watching out for this baby. He deserves so much more than the hand he was dealt.
Monday, April 22, 2013
A Letter to the Bio Parents
Dear Bio Parents,
I don't even know where to begin. When we started this nearly three months ago, I thought maybe you could do it, just maybe. I know any addiction is a disease, but I had hope that you would turn it around. I even thought I saw remorse in your eyes. Apparently, I did not. I should have listened to my gut. My gut said, "Not gonna happen. They'll put on a show for a little while, and then they will disappear." I ignored my gut- shame on me.
Please tell me how you can look into your baby's big brown eyes and not even try for his sake? How can you not do right by this beautiful baby? How can you cancel visits, or not even show up at all? Why are we even going through the motions if you aren't even going to try? The last time I checked, babies were not just dropped off on your doorstep, so you knew what you were doing and you had time to change your behaviors. But if carrying a precious life didn't make you change, then why would bringing this little miracle into the world make a difference. Please don't tell me what a "miracle he is", or comment on his "rough start" again. You are the reason for the "rough start"- try taking responsibility for that. It would be a great first step. And please stop speaking to me like I am a friend doing you a favor, because I'm not.
You can tell me you are his mom all you want, and that may be true. But know this- I am his MOTHER. I feed, and change, and dress, and play with, and rock him to sleep every day. He looks into my eyes and smiles, because he only knows me as his mommy. I thought about this long and hard, and I came to realize you have the perfect situation. You have to buy one pack of diapers and a can of formula every three months. You don't get up in the middle of the night, and you don't have to deal with any medical issues or constant crying. You spend four to five blissful hours a week with him and then send him on his way.
If, by some miracle, he goes back to you, we may all die a little inside. What will happen to this precious baby when he is taken from the only home he knows? I pray that you make one important "parenting" decision for him, and that is to do what is best for him- whatever that may be. It may not mean he stays with us and we become his forever family, but as long as the outcome is the best for him, then so be it.
I want you to know that my heart aches and I cry for him. I cry because of the rough start he had. I cry because you don't make any effort. I cry because I love him so very much, and I don't want anything or anyone to hurt him. I am grateful he is so young, because he has no idea what is going on.
I also want you to know how much he is loved. Not a day goes by that he doesn't hear "I love you". He gets kisses and hugs, smiles and snuggles all day, every day. Our friends and family have embraced him and love him almost as much as we do.
I hope the end result is in his best interest. He will always hold a special place in my heart, and I will always love this beautiful miracle.
Sincerely,
The Foster Mom
I don't even know where to begin. When we started this nearly three months ago, I thought maybe you could do it, just maybe. I know any addiction is a disease, but I had hope that you would turn it around. I even thought I saw remorse in your eyes. Apparently, I did not. I should have listened to my gut. My gut said, "Not gonna happen. They'll put on a show for a little while, and then they will disappear." I ignored my gut- shame on me.
Please tell me how you can look into your baby's big brown eyes and not even try for his sake? How can you not do right by this beautiful baby? How can you cancel visits, or not even show up at all? Why are we even going through the motions if you aren't even going to try? The last time I checked, babies were not just dropped off on your doorstep, so you knew what you were doing and you had time to change your behaviors. But if carrying a precious life didn't make you change, then why would bringing this little miracle into the world make a difference. Please don't tell me what a "miracle he is", or comment on his "rough start" again. You are the reason for the "rough start"- try taking responsibility for that. It would be a great first step. And please stop speaking to me like I am a friend doing you a favor, because I'm not.
You can tell me you are his mom all you want, and that may be true. But know this- I am his MOTHER. I feed, and change, and dress, and play with, and rock him to sleep every day. He looks into my eyes and smiles, because he only knows me as his mommy. I thought about this long and hard, and I came to realize you have the perfect situation. You have to buy one pack of diapers and a can of formula every three months. You don't get up in the middle of the night, and you don't have to deal with any medical issues or constant crying. You spend four to five blissful hours a week with him and then send him on his way.
If, by some miracle, he goes back to you, we may all die a little inside. What will happen to this precious baby when he is taken from the only home he knows? I pray that you make one important "parenting" decision for him, and that is to do what is best for him- whatever that may be. It may not mean he stays with us and we become his forever family, but as long as the outcome is the best for him, then so be it.
I want you to know that my heart aches and I cry for him. I cry because of the rough start he had. I cry because you don't make any effort. I cry because I love him so very much, and I don't want anything or anyone to hurt him. I am grateful he is so young, because he has no idea what is going on.
I also want you to know how much he is loved. Not a day goes by that he doesn't hear "I love you". He gets kisses and hugs, smiles and snuggles all day, every day. Our friends and family have embraced him and love him almost as much as we do.
I hope the end result is in his best interest. He will always hold a special place in my heart, and I will always love this beautiful miracle.
Sincerely,
The Foster Mom
Friday, March 15, 2013
Why Foster?
A lot of people have asked us why we chose to become a foster family, and I haven't been able to find the words to explain it fully. I tell them that we have always wanted more children and we never intended for our son to be an only child. I also tell them that there are so many children out there who need safe and loving homes, and we are happy to open our home and our hearts to them. The deep down honest truth is so much more personal and painful.
I have always wanted children, at least two. I looked forward to being a mom and raising my little family, and always thought I would get pregnant right away and everything would work out just right. Sadly, that is not what happened. I had always had issues with my "cycle". It was abnormal to say the least and my doctors would brush it off as nothing and send me on my way, not wanting to spend the time listening to and addressing my concerns. So, I just went about my business thinking it was nothing.
I married relatively young- at 21- and figured we would get pregnant right away. It was easy, right? How long could it possibly take? The first month went by, then another, and another, and before I knew it we had been trying for over a year. I know people try for much longer, but I am not exactly what you would call patient, and I wanted a baby NOW, not years down the road. I had read that if you are actively trying to get pregnant for one year, and it doesn't happen, you are considered "infertile". That, paired with my medical history, took me right to a fertility specialist.
The specialist confirmed my fears and put me on Clomid. He produced what my husband refers to as the "Quiga Wheel" and told us we would be pregnant the next time he saw us. I was skeptical, but lo and behold I got pregnant my second month on Clomid. I couldn't believe it! I was finally going to be a mom and I could be more excited! After some complications (bleeding, hypertension, preeclampsia, etc.), our son was born in December 2002 at 37 weeks. I am so grateful to have him every day, and I know he is our miracle.
We planned to have more babies and figured I would just take Clomid again because it worked so well the first time. But we tried Clomid for a year and nothing happened. Clomid is rough on the hormones, and it was tough on everyone. It causes severe mood swings, hot flashes, nausea, headaches, dizziness, and does not make for a very pleasant wife/mother/daughter/sister/friend. After the failed attempts, we chose not to go another round and come to terms with not having more children of our own.
Attempting to accept your infertility is devastating. The hardest part is trying to cope with knowledge that you will never carry another baby, and it was not your decision. I tortured myself by watching "A Baby Story", "Bringing Home Baby", and any other show about babies. I would wander around Babies R Us, imagining how I would have decorated another nursery. I was envious of anyone who was having a baby, and I fell into a deep depression. I wondered why teenagers and people who don't even want kids get pregnant every day and I couldn't? Where is the justice in that? I felt like less of a woman because I could not become pregnant again, and give my son a sibling. Thinking about it still hurts, and to this day I struggle to accept that there will not be more babies that are the best parts of my husband and myself. I consider myself "broken".
We had considered adoption in the past, but the cost is/was out of our reach. Adoption costs anywhere from $25,000-$50,000. Where were we going to get that kind of money? Adoption was not the option for us.
So after eight years of heartbreak, we went away for Easter weekend with some friends, and friends of friends. It was an "off the grid" kind of weekend without TV, cellphones, and computers, and it was lovely. We made new friends and spent time talking to each other while our kids played in the pool. I happened to ask one of the other ladies what she did and she told me she worked for a fostering agency, and told me a little about fostering. There was also a little boy brought to our weekend getaway who had been abandoned by his mother. They had not heard from or seen her in months, and my heart broke for this little boy. How could someone abandon their child and just disappear? He stole my heart that weekend and led us to ultimately make the decision to become foster parents to the other children who needed love and protection- those who needed to experience what being part of a family is all about. We decided "fostering to adopt" was what we wanted to do.
Our journey began the following week. We signed up for our PS-MAPP classes (mandatory classes for potential foster parents), passed our background checks, were finger-printed, and began collecting everything we needed to foster. We first had to pick an age range and we choose newborn to three years old. We had to buy a convertible crib, dresser, changing table, car seats (infant and convertible), a highchair, stroller, bottles, and everything else necessary to take care of a child in our age range.
I'll admit I dragged my feet for awhile. The process went so quickly. Our classes started in May and ended in July, and by the time we had our home study and inspection completed, we could have had a placement by the beginning of September. My mind started to race and I was nervous. I started thinking of reasons why we couldn't do it right now: my job was not conducive for taking the time off necessary for appointments, our house wasn't clean enough (is a house ever? One that is lived in isn't), we needed more this or that, we had something to do this weekend, etc. It took a year and half to finally do it, but here we are, and we are just getting our feet wet.
It takes time and patience, and I still think about what it would be like to carry another baby of my own. But each child coming into my home, despite the amount of time they are here, is my child. I may not have carried them, but they are no less my babies. I care for them, I love them, and I will do my best to help them heal, just as they are helping me heal my heart and my spirit.
I have always wanted children, at least two. I looked forward to being a mom and raising my little family, and always thought I would get pregnant right away and everything would work out just right. Sadly, that is not what happened. I had always had issues with my "cycle". It was abnormal to say the least and my doctors would brush it off as nothing and send me on my way, not wanting to spend the time listening to and addressing my concerns. So, I just went about my business thinking it was nothing.
I married relatively young- at 21- and figured we would get pregnant right away. It was easy, right? How long could it possibly take? The first month went by, then another, and another, and before I knew it we had been trying for over a year. I know people try for much longer, but I am not exactly what you would call patient, and I wanted a baby NOW, not years down the road. I had read that if you are actively trying to get pregnant for one year, and it doesn't happen, you are considered "infertile". That, paired with my medical history, took me right to a fertility specialist.
The specialist confirmed my fears and put me on Clomid. He produced what my husband refers to as the "Quiga Wheel" and told us we would be pregnant the next time he saw us. I was skeptical, but lo and behold I got pregnant my second month on Clomid. I couldn't believe it! I was finally going to be a mom and I could be more excited! After some complications (bleeding, hypertension, preeclampsia, etc.), our son was born in December 2002 at 37 weeks. I am so grateful to have him every day, and I know he is our miracle.
We planned to have more babies and figured I would just take Clomid again because it worked so well the first time. But we tried Clomid for a year and nothing happened. Clomid is rough on the hormones, and it was tough on everyone. It causes severe mood swings, hot flashes, nausea, headaches, dizziness, and does not make for a very pleasant wife/mother/daughter/sister/friend. After the failed attempts, we chose not to go another round and come to terms with not having more children of our own.
Attempting to accept your infertility is devastating. The hardest part is trying to cope with knowledge that you will never carry another baby, and it was not your decision. I tortured myself by watching "A Baby Story", "Bringing Home Baby", and any other show about babies. I would wander around Babies R Us, imagining how I would have decorated another nursery. I was envious of anyone who was having a baby, and I fell into a deep depression. I wondered why teenagers and people who don't even want kids get pregnant every day and I couldn't? Where is the justice in that? I felt like less of a woman because I could not become pregnant again, and give my son a sibling. Thinking about it still hurts, and to this day I struggle to accept that there will not be more babies that are the best parts of my husband and myself. I consider myself "broken".
We had considered adoption in the past, but the cost is/was out of our reach. Adoption costs anywhere from $25,000-$50,000. Where were we going to get that kind of money? Adoption was not the option for us.
So after eight years of heartbreak, we went away for Easter weekend with some friends, and friends of friends. It was an "off the grid" kind of weekend without TV, cellphones, and computers, and it was lovely. We made new friends and spent time talking to each other while our kids played in the pool. I happened to ask one of the other ladies what she did and she told me she worked for a fostering agency, and told me a little about fostering. There was also a little boy brought to our weekend getaway who had been abandoned by his mother. They had not heard from or seen her in months, and my heart broke for this little boy. How could someone abandon their child and just disappear? He stole my heart that weekend and led us to ultimately make the decision to become foster parents to the other children who needed love and protection- those who needed to experience what being part of a family is all about. We decided "fostering to adopt" was what we wanted to do.
Our journey began the following week. We signed up for our PS-MAPP classes (mandatory classes for potential foster parents), passed our background checks, were finger-printed, and began collecting everything we needed to foster. We first had to pick an age range and we choose newborn to three years old. We had to buy a convertible crib, dresser, changing table, car seats (infant and convertible), a highchair, stroller, bottles, and everything else necessary to take care of a child in our age range.
I'll admit I dragged my feet for awhile. The process went so quickly. Our classes started in May and ended in July, and by the time we had our home study and inspection completed, we could have had a placement by the beginning of September. My mind started to race and I was nervous. I started thinking of reasons why we couldn't do it right now: my job was not conducive for taking the time off necessary for appointments, our house wasn't clean enough (is a house ever? One that is lived in isn't), we needed more this or that, we had something to do this weekend, etc. It took a year and half to finally do it, but here we are, and we are just getting our feet wet.
It takes time and patience, and I still think about what it would be like to carry another baby of my own. But each child coming into my home, despite the amount of time they are here, is my child. I may not have carried them, but they are no less my babies. I care for them, I love them, and I will do my best to help them heal, just as they are helping me heal my heart and my spirit.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Waiting, and Waiting, and Waiting
Here we are again, putting our lives on hold. I am really trying to be accommodating, but I don't appreciate having to change my plans at the last minute. The baby is supposed to have a supervised visit on Wednesdays with his parents, but one of them has started a new job and may not be able to make it. There was a request to change the visits to the weekend, but that doesn't really work for us. I know how that sounds, but I am not a glorified babysitter/nanny and I am not willing to change the visit day. I don't mind one weekend a month, but not every weekend.
I spoke with the grandmother early this afternoon, and she said she had not heard from the parents yet. That seems to be the pattern here. The parents don't call CPS back, they don't call the grandmother back, the don't call the behavioral people back, and they don't respond to emails in a timely fashion. Really? How badly do you want to get your baby back? Let us be grown ups and take some responsibility, please.
So, here I am waiting for the confirmation phone call. Do we have an appointment tomorrow or not? Are we rescheduling? I did make plans for myself tomorrow so I had something to do during the two and a half hour visit, but I guess that isn't going to happen. Considering I spend 24/7 with the baby, I would love some "Me Time". Even if that means finding a park and reading a book, getting a cup of coffee, or going to get a massage, I still would like to take some time out for myself.
I am wondering at what point I get to cancel the appointment without looking like the bad guy. I suppose it is past time to set some ground rules, but clearly we need to. Since we are still new at this I am not quite sure what to do, but I would guess a call to the CPS caseworker is in order. I can't imagine CPS expects the foster parents to put everything on hold and be at the mercy of the bio parents. After all, I'm not the one trying to prove I should get my baby back.
I'm still not sure how to process these feelings and have found out that our foster agency is now offering a support group. I can't tell you how excited I am about this. I can't wait to meet other foster parents and learn how they deal with different situations and their emotions. I can't wait to hear their stories and network. I am hoping we meet another family that lives near us. That would be great!
I spoke with the grandmother early this afternoon, and she said she had not heard from the parents yet. That seems to be the pattern here. The parents don't call CPS back, they don't call the grandmother back, the don't call the behavioral people back, and they don't respond to emails in a timely fashion. Really? How badly do you want to get your baby back? Let us be grown ups and take some responsibility, please.
So, here I am waiting for the confirmation phone call. Do we have an appointment tomorrow or not? Are we rescheduling? I did make plans for myself tomorrow so I had something to do during the two and a half hour visit, but I guess that isn't going to happen. Considering I spend 24/7 with the baby, I would love some "Me Time". Even if that means finding a park and reading a book, getting a cup of coffee, or going to get a massage, I still would like to take some time out for myself.
I am wondering at what point I get to cancel the appointment without looking like the bad guy. I suppose it is past time to set some ground rules, but clearly we need to. Since we are still new at this I am not quite sure what to do, but I would guess a call to the CPS caseworker is in order. I can't imagine CPS expects the foster parents to put everything on hold and be at the mercy of the bio parents. After all, I'm not the one trying to prove I should get my baby back.
I'm still not sure how to process these feelings and have found out that our foster agency is now offering a support group. I can't tell you how excited I am about this. I can't wait to meet other foster parents and learn how they deal with different situations and their emotions. I can't wait to hear their stories and network. I am hoping we meet another family that lives near us. That would be great!
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